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Planning by seniors reduces stress and increases control
Women's Magazine
OPINION
May 2001
By Denise Thornton
Day after day, I see adult children of seniors making decisions about moving their parents into one of the residence options within our retirement community. I believe our facility offers a wonderful campus for seniors to age in place, so I am clearly happy for their visit. On the other hand, I wish that more parents would initiate visits themselves.
For that to happen, seniors must plan, taking time to consider significant issues. Quite often, we put off the tough decisions in favor of the immediate. I once read a comment from a financial planner that people spend more time planning vacations than planning their estates and long-term living options. Based on what I observe, I believe this is often true.
If parents wait too long to plan for their future, there are a number of things that may compel their children to begin the process for them. For example, our facility is often very busy between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Why? Because children return for family visits to find a health crisis is about to occur. Mom or dad is noticably thinner, personal hygiene has dropped off, meals are nutritionally inadequate, often medications are not being taken properly — all things that can lead to falls. In other cases, couples living together believe they will care for each other. In this situation, the loss of a spouse can be devastating, where the remaining senior is unable to cope with daily activities alone.
It's important that adult children try to talk with their parents about their plans and expectations. In fact, a survey by the American Association of Retired Persons found parents feel better discussing their welfare when things are going well. Children looking to initiate a dialog about mom or dad's plans can use a number of techniques, according to the AARP.
Researching living options as well as financial considerations can become an enlightening challenge. I have seen seniors take charge of their future arrangements before a crisis occurs — a new challenge leading to another chapter in their lives. It can actually be liberating to leave behind the daily chores and maintenance a residence requires. The key is not waiting too long to plan.
While parents may not be receptive to the conversation about their plans, sometimes being persistent is necessary if health or safety is at risk. While respecting their privacy and feelings is important, to move the dialog forward, children should consider involving a third party such as a clergy member or other community resource. One word of advice from communications experts — keep the dialogue positive.
When I talk about living arrangements, I'm covering a lot of ground. From moving to an apartment to a retirement community that offers independent living, assisted living, Alzheimer's care, and skilled nursing if necessary, there are a number of options to meet various needs. Individuals considering a move to a new community should look for certain features, including a safe environment; companionship and socialization; activities and programs; assistance with some daily activities; and support with aging. It's important to visit several facilities and consider factors, such as accessibility, meal options, guest accommodations, active social opportunities, therapeutic services, lighting and overall appearance, staff attitude, staff to resident ratios, and management's reputation.
Planning ahead and exploring options before a crisis has many advantages, including:
- Decisions on where to move will be made by those affected, resulting in more acceptance
- After researching the options, a community that best suits an individual's needs, lifestyle and financial considerations is selected
- Those making the decisions feel more in control of their life
- Parents feel like less of a burden on children
- Feelings of loss are minimized
- Feelings of security are increased
- Crisis can be prevented
On the other hand, not proactively developing long-term plans can have obvious disadvantages, including:
- Choices are hurried, sometimes in the middle of a health crisis
- Choices for a desired lifestyle are lessened
- Opportunities to assess the best financial arrangements are missed
- Often children will be making the decisions and shouldering the responsibility
- If choices on where to move are taken away from the senior, moving will be much more traumatic
- Feelings of loss will be greater. This could trigger depression
- Others are blamed for their sense of loss
- Acclimating to a new residence is much more difficult
Yes, making a move to leave the home a person has been in for decades can seem daunting. Sometimes it's wise to make the move while the decision is in the control of those affected, though. And today, senior living settings offer such a variety. What used to be an environment where bingo numbers were called for an activity, today engages people in wellness programs, civic affairs groups, yoga, educational seminars and day trips to sporting events and museums.
With planning, exploration of available senior living arrangements and open and frank communication with children and loved ones, I believe this is a challenge many seniors would rather tackle than see fall upon others.
Denise Thornton is Community Relations Director for Balfour Retirement Community of Louisville. She has a masters in long-term care and gerontology from Naropa Institute in Boulder.